poetry

sleep

i would say i long for

nothing but sleep

but this would be a lie; i long for

dreamless sleep

uninterrupted sleep

restful sleep

deep sleep

the kind of sleep that

you wake up from and

feel well rested afterwards.

this sleep is

impossible

for me; this sleep

is drugs and broken

eyes and shadows

that pull from behind

each step like

weights;

this sleep

drags

and refuses to be

forgotten or left

behind; it clings

desperately to my ankles

and refuses to be

shaken off.

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poetry

sorry.

“how’ve you been?”

i don’t really know.

sorry.

“are you doing okay?”

no.

sorry.

“what’ve you been up to?”

worrying, picking my skin,

wishing i were dead,

skipping meals.

sorry.

“are you good?”

not really;

i’m generally a

pretty shitty

person.

sorry.

sorry that i couldn’t be

fine

and that i’m an inconvenience

and a burden.

i just want to

be alright and

instead i’m shutting down.

don’t ask me how i am

because i can’t lie

right now.

poetry

monster

I live in the shadowy places

under your bed.

I am the footsteps

on creaking stairs.

I feed the quiet voices

in your head,

When everyone leaves you,

I’ll be there.

I live in the night, so the day

you will dread,

I promise to you

nobody else cares.

I’m easy to anger,

so watch where you tread,

And remember that you’re

my nightmare.

 

poetry

honesty

I’ve spent so long

running

from demons.

so long trying to escape

curled, thin claws

scraping away at my scalp.

so long breathing

through fog banks and

cloaks and freedom I’ve never tasted.

so long pick, pick, picking

away at layers of skin

to see if my heart’s still beating.

so long pretending

to be somebody they wanted

me to be, to be somebody

I knew I wasn’t.

so long ignoring voices

ignoring their words, ignoring

their space in my head.

so long trying to focus

trying to be perfect, trying

to get it all done, to do

a good job.

so long hoping

that someday I could be

like them.

I’m not.

some days, that’s okay.

but today, all I can see

is numb and flawed,

and I would rather

not

be

here.