honesty

I’ve spent so long

running

from demons.

so long trying to escape

curled, thin claws

scraping away at my scalp.

so long breathing

through fog banks and

cloaks and freedom I’ve never tasted.

so long pick, pick, picking

away at layers of skin

to see if my heart’s still beating.

so long pretending

to be somebody they wanted

me to be, to be somebody

I knew I wasn’t.

so long ignoring voices

ignoring their words, ignoring

their space in my head.

so long trying to focus

trying to be perfect, trying

to get it all done, to do

a good job.

so long hoping

that someday I could be

like them.

I’m not.

some days, that’s okay.

but today, all I can see

is numb and flawed,

and I would rather

not

be

here.

 

 

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